Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
