It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
