when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
