On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
