from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
