Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
