It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
