so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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