u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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