Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
