i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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