Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
