And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
