Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
