North Korea, Best Korea!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
