i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
