Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
