her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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