Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
