haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
