It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My life is pants optional.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
