Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
