How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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