If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
