Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
