I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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