this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
