Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
