I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
