my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
