Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
whose parrot is this?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
