I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
