so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
