Is it because I queefed?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
