she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize