i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
