Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You smell like stripper and shame
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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