My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
