Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
