God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
