Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Semen is not good for contacts.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
