Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
