Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
