i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
