You really coming over, don't trick.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
