well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
even my farts smell like vagina
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
false alarm, still single
Randomize
