You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
how does that bad decision feel?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
