apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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