can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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