so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
