i permit you to call me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
