Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
