mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
