why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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