btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize