Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
