I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
