p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
