I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
