remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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