I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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