I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My pussy is not your playground.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
