If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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