Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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