Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
