Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
