the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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