i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
