Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
