so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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