I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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