I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
