I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
