Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
