Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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