I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
