Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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