btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
