I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am midnight drunk by noon
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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