Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
