do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
