I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
