how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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