i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
