So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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