A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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