It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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