He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
