Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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