GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
