I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont even know how to be here
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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