She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
