wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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