There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
