you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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