We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
