My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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